Well, at least no one has to sit through any more of these things... until they reunite or reboot in 10 years. And even those soulless remake/sequels would be better movies than this Fifty Shades Freed garbage. Anyway... here are its sins.
Everything Wrong With Ratatouille In 15 Minutes Or Less
With the impending release of The Incredibles 2, we decided it was finally time to go looking for sins in the last Brad Bird Pixar film, Ratatouille. It's about a rat chef, but it's also really excellent, but also full of sins.
Everything Wrong With Bee Movie In 15 Minutes Or Less
During the animation boom of the mid-2000's, Jerry Seinfeld himself concocted a movie idea, wrote the script, and voiced the main character. And somehow, against all odds, that movie ended up being utterly terrible. Here are the sins of Bee Movie.
Everything Wrong With Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Ugh. This thing has gone on long enough. I say we call it after this one. Here are the sins of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, and there are a lot of them.
Everything Wrong With The Amityville Horror (2005)
Roughly 25 years after the original came this Ryan Reynolds remake that somehow fails to really add anything new or be much more compelling overall. :(
Everything Wrong With The Amityville Horror (1979)
Once upon a time, they made a third remake of The Amityville Horror. In anticipation of that, we wrote sins scripts for the first two. Then they delayed the new one for, like, years and we just sat on the scripts waiting. Then they dumped that new remake into theaters sneakily for a few days in the Fall of 2017, and we were like... "Sh*t, we can't just waste these scripts." And Christmas week came along and we all had plans and didn't want to write sins, so we dusted off the Amityville stuff! So... there you go.
Everything Wrong With War For The Planet Of The Apes
War for the Planet of the Apes was one of 2017's best action films, despite there being as much scenery & talking as there was action... maybe even more. But hey, even a planet of apes has sins. Therefore...
Everything Wrong With Jumanji In 17 Minutes Or Less
Just in time for the Jumanji sequel, we go looking for sins in the original. And boy... did THAT movie not hold up well at all. Yikes!
Everything Wrong With Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Just in time for The Last Jedi, and only a year after you began requesting it... we finally have the sins of Rogue One. And there are plenty. Maybe more sins than midichlorians in this movie.
Everything Wrong With E.T. the Extra Terrestrial
Yes. Yes we did.
Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man Homecoming was a nice surprise, capturing the spirit of the character as well or better than any previous film. We loved it. And so, of course, we were compelled to sin it.